Most people don't have what they yearn for the most because of one main reason.

When what we want seems to always be at arm's length, we try harder to get it, struggle more, or spend our time trying to "manifest" it.

But what if the real issue isn't effort, strategy, or even luck?

Being unable to get what you want often points to a deeper, unaddressed issue: blocks around being able to receive.

When we're blocked and unable to receive, we're also unable to genuinely give.

Receiving blocks create attachments and expectations in our giving.

We might secretly expect something in return when we give to our partners.

When we don't get it, we fight, blame, and criticize them for not meeting an expectation they weren't even aware they had agreed to.

Blocked receiving becomes the seed for taking. And taking is at the heart of all conflict.

You never want to be a taker.

Taking creates friction, resentment, and distance in relationships.

At its extreme, the mentality of taking—believing we must grab what we need because it won't be given freely—fuels the conflicts we see everywhere, from personal disputes to global tensions.

But you can receive abundantly if you're open to it.

In fact, one of the best things you can do to improve your relationship with your spouse, with money, and with others is to become a better receiver.

The added benefit? It will also make you a better, more genuine giver.

Common receiving blocks stem from ego-based beliefs:

• "I'm not enough"
• Wanting to stay in your comfort zone to avoid responsibility or discomfort
• Self-imposed limitations that block awareness of your inherent worth

Common giving blocks include:

• Being more concerned with how you come across rather than where you're coming from
• Being attached to outcomes and giving with hidden expectations
• Scarcity mindset—believing there aren't enough resources to go around

I once spent a weekend with family in Pensacola at a beach rental.

The Gulf breeze carried the scent of sunscreen through our rental's open windows, but I found myself pulling inward every time my brother-in-law's eyes lingered on my shirt.

It was supposed to be a relaxing weekend, but something felt off.

"What's that say?" he asked again, pointing at my blue shirt with white cursive text. "Kmura."

"It's a jiu jitsu move," I said, my voice flat. "A shoulder lock."

He nodded, genuinely interested, waiting for more.

But I had nothing else to give him.

The same pattern repeated throughout the weekend—him asking about my various shirts, me deflecting with minimal responses.

Each time, I watched his face shift from curiosity to something like disappointment, conversations dying in the space between us.

Something about his questions felt intrusive, like he was trying to take something from me.

What was he taking?

Nothing more than some information about a sport he doesn't even practice.

But that rational thought didn't quiet the defensive reflex rising in my chest—the same one that made me deflect compliments, rush through introductions, or change the subject when people showed genuine interest in my life.

Sitting on the plane ride home, I found myself replaying his disappointed expression. He was trying to take something from me, I kept thinking.

But flying somewhere over Texas, a different perspective emerged: What if he was trying to take something from me?

What if he was trying to take away my block to receiving attention—to being seen?

What if he was offering me the gift of genuine interest, and I kept rejecting it with my one-word responses and defensive walls?

In that cramped plane seat, I began to release my judgments around receiving, and around him.

A tremendous wave of gratitude washed over me.

The people in our lives truly are our teachers if we're curious enough to learn from them.

He was pointing me toward my work—learning to receive, to be seen, to let people in instead of keeping them at arm's length.

Questions for reflection:

• What am I pretending not to want?
• What do I judge in others who receive freely?
• Who in my life taught me (directly or indirectly) that receiving was dangerous?
• What past experiences of receiving went badly? How do they still affect me?
• What would happen if I truly believed I was worthy of love and abundance?

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When we learn to receive openly, everything shifts.

Instead of the exhausting cycle of trying to control outcomes or manipulate situations to get what we want, we create space for genuine abundance to flow.

Better receiving transforms our relationships in unexpected ways:

• With our partners, we stop keeping score and start appreciating freely given love
• With money, we release scarcity and notice opportunities we previously missed
• With ourselves, we accept compliments, acknowledge our achievements, and embrace our worth

I've witnessed this transformation in my own life and in clients who've done this inner work.

One coaching client released her belief that "I don't deserve it" and this opened her up to allowing her husband's affection to actually land instead of deflecting it with unexpressed doubt.

The paradox is beautiful: the more openly we receive, the more naturally we give—without agenda, without keeping track, without resentment.

I've discovered that what we desire most, we also paradoxically prevent ourselves from having.

We overlook that the source of the issue isn't being addressed because we fail to recognize a basic universal principle:

The issue isn't the issue. The issue is how we relate to the issue.

Releasing our blocks to receiving shifts everything.

Your relationships become more loving, more harmonious, more genuine once you address the unseen ego-based judgments around giving and receiving.

One of the most powerful practices I've discovered for this transformation is compassionate self-forgiveness.

Judgments are the glue that keep our limiting stories and blocks cemented in place.

When we release these judgments through forgiveness, we open ourselves to being both better receivers and more authentic givers.

This practice doesn't just change how you receive—it changes how you show up in the world entirely.

If you desire more intimacy, love, and harmony in your most precious relationships, give yourself the gift of releasing your blocks to receiving.

Everyone around you will benefit from you becoming better at receiving—and from the natural, effortless giving that arises as a byproduct.

Ready to transform your relationship with receiving and giving?

Click here to learn the compassionate self-forgiveness practice that releases inner blocks: Freedom Through Forgiveness​

-Alex

P.S. Jump down to the "emptying our backpack section" in the link above.