"The first and best victory is to conquer self." — Plato
Most people are not free.
They think they are.
They believe the illusion of choice—what to eat, where to work, who to spend time with—equals freedom.
But true freedom isn't about external options.
It's about the skill of managing your mind.
This skill impacts everything: your health, your wealth, your relationships, your peace, your happiness.
Without it, you're a passenger in your own life, reacting to circumstances rather than creating them.
Your animal nature is exactly that—a beast. An animal.
The capacity for human evils—hatred, fear, resentment, greed—exists within all of us as potential.
These don't manifest as actions first. They manifest as thoughts.
Nietzsche understood this: "Of all evil I deem you capable: therefore I want the good from you. Verily, I have often laughed at the weaklings who thought themselves good because they had no claws."
You are dangerous.
You have claws.
The question is: will you use them to tear yourself apart, or to protect what matters?
Most people unknowingly choose the former.
They blame the opposite political party (they are the problem).
They get angry (feeling out of control).
They assume helplessness (subconsciously become the victim).
They live in a mental prison of their own making.
Here's the paradox: the mind is a prison, but when you look inside you find no prisoner.
There's no external warden.
No one is forcing you to think the thoughts that torment you.
You are both the jailer and the jailed.
We don't experience the world—we are experiencing our thinking about the world.
Our thoughts are creating the reality we are experiencing.
Our thoughts are a frame of reference.
They are invisible barriers that shape how we perceive reality, and what we perceive in reality.
Think of it this way: Our thoughts are like orange-tinted glasses we put on, and then forget that we have them on.
So, when we look out at the world, it appears orange.
But what we overlook is that we put on the orange-tinted glasses unknowingly ourselves.
The good news? You can take them off.
You can choose different lenses. You can dominate your mind instead of being dominated by it.
This newsletter will show you how to wage war on the thoughts that imprison you, reclaim your mind as your home, and finally experience the freedom you've been seeking outside yourself.
The Prison You Built (And Why You Can't See the Bars)
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." — Carl Jung
Here's what nobody tells high-achievers: your greatest strength is also your greatest trap.
You've been rewarded your entire life for thinking your way out of problems.
Analysis. Strategy. Optimization.
Your mind is a powerful tool, and you've wielded it to build an impressive external life—the career, the credentials, the income, the respect.
But somewhere along the way, that tool turned on you.
The same analytical mind that solves complex problems now creates complex suffering.
The same drive that propelled you forward now drives you into the ground.
The same perfectionism that earned accolades now whispers that you're never enough.
And because you're so skilled at thinking, you've intellectualized your way into a cage you can't think your way out of.
The Anatomy of the Negative Spiral
When you're not living the life you desire—when there's a gap between who you are and who you know you could be—you are stuck in a negative spiral. Here's exactly how it works:
1. We make an initial interpretation of an event as "bad" or "wrong"
Something happens. A project fails. A relationship ends. A goal isn't met.
Your mind immediately assigns meaning: "This is bad. This means something about me."
For high-achievers, this interpretation is often tied to identity.
It's not just "the project failed". It's "I failed."
It's not "this didn't work". It's "I'm not good enough."
2. This creates an emotional evaluation of how likely similar events are in the future
Your nervous system responds to the interpretation.
Anxiety floods in. Your brain, trying to protect you, starts scanning for similar threats. "If this happened once, it will happen again. I need to be vigilant."
This is where some of us struggle.
You've been trained to anticipate problems, to plan for contingencies.
But now that skill becomes hyper-vigilance.
Every interaction becomes a potential failure.
Every decision carries existential weight.
3. Our cognitive biases work to confirm this negative interpretation
Confirmation bias kicks in.
Your brain becomes a heat-seeking missile for evidence that supports your negative interpretation.
You notice every small mistake.
You replay every awkward conversation. You catalog every imperfection.
Meanwhile, contradictory evidence—the successes, the compliments, the wins—gets filtered out. "They're just being nice." "That was luck." "They don't really know me."
For someone who prides themselves on objectivity and rational thinking, this is particularly insidious.
You believe you're seeing reality clearly.
You have evidence.
But you're actually wearing those orange-tinted glasses, convinced the world is orange.
4. This newly enforced frame narrows our focus, reducing our cognitive flexibility
As the negative interpretation solidifies, your mental aperture shrinks.
You lose peripheral vision.
Options that were once visible disappear.
Creative solutions evaporate.
The world becomes binary: success or failure, right or wrong, safe or dangerous.
This is cognitive rigidity—and it's kryptonite for leaders.
Leadership requires adaptability, nuance, the ability to hold paradox.
But when you're in the spiral, you become brittle. One-dimensional. Reactive.
5. This creates a vicious cycle that feeds on itself:
- The world appears more threatening
- We develop frustration, anxiety, fatalism, even paranoia
- These negative feelings reinforce the original frame (thoughts)
- We lose the ability to see alternative perspectives
- We become more cognitively rigid (and brittle)
And the spiral tightens.
The Personal Cost of the Spiral
I struggled with this a lot. When I was in college, I used to hate myself.
I hated myself so much that hating myself felt comfortable, even enjoyable.
Denigrating myself and my sense of worth felt oddly familiar.
What I didn't realize was that I was cultivating the tree of self-hatred and consuming its fruits.
My self-criticism eventually became almost crippling and eventually led to depression.
At the time, I didn't see the connection between my self-hatred and the periodic desires to drive my car off the road and into a brick wall on my way home from mind-numbingly long study sessions in college at 3 am in the morning.
I thought I was being "realistic." I thought I was holding myself to high standards.
I thought the voice in my head that told me I was worthless was just "being honest."
But it wasn't honesty.
It was a thought pattern I had cultivated so thoroughly that it felt like truth.
The Invisible Captors
"The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven." — John Milton, Paradise Lost
If you are not free from resentment, bitterness, anger, anxiety, and so on, you must kill your inner captors.
Your inner captors are the negative thoughts, the judgments, the programming you inherited that no longer serves you but instead acts as shackles to keep you imprisoned by your own mind.
For high-achievers, these captors often sound like:
- "I have to be perfect or I'm worthless"
- "If I slow down, I'll fall behind"
- "My value is determined by my output"
- "Vulnerability is weakness"
- "I can't trust myself to make the right decision"
- "Everyone else has it figured out; I'm the imposter"
These aren't just passing thoughts.
They're the architects of your prison.
They shape your decisions, your relationships, your sense of self.
They keep you performing instead of being. Achieving instead of living. Surviving instead of thriving.
The tragedy is that you've been so successful despite these captors that you've never questioned them.
You've assumed they're necessary. That they're what made you successful.
But what if they're actually what's keeping you from the life—and the leadership—you're truly capable of?
The Warrior's Garden: A New Way to Think About Your Mind
Here's the shift that changes everything: You must wage war upon yourself.
Not the self-hatred kind of war.
Not the "I need to fix myself because I'm broken" war.
But the warrior's war—the disciplined, strategic, necessary protection of what is sacred.
Think of your mind as a garden.
To protect your garden, you must wage war upon any invader in the garden.
Think about it: a gardener has to rip apart the earth to plant desirable trees and a fence to protect against invaders, he has to destroy the growing weeds attempting to choke off his crops, and he has to kill the invading pests to protect the integrity of the garden.
And, to make it beautiful.
This is not violence. This is stewardship.
A warrior doesn't fight because they hate.
They fight because they love something enough to protect it.
They establish boundaries. They set standards.
They refuse to let their territory be overrun.
Your mind is your territory. And right now, it's been overrun.
Dominate Your Mind
The word "dominate" stems from the Latin "domus" which means home. What you dominate becomes your home.
This reframe is crucial.
Domination isn't about control through force.
It's about making something yours. Creating a place where you can dwell.
Where you feel safe. Where you belong.
You can't be at home in your own mind if you don't dominate it: pull out the weeds, kill the pests, establish a boundary for the garden, and make it your home.
Most people are homeless in their own minds.
They wander through thoughts that don't serve them.
They tolerate mental environments that would be unacceptable in their physical homes.
They allow invasive, destructive patterns to run rampant.
Would you let someone come into your house and tell you you're worthless?
Would you invite anxiety to sit at your dinner table every night?
Would you let resentment sleep in your bed?
Of course not. But you let these invaders occupy your mind without question.
The Warrior Mindset: Peace Demands Respect
"He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe." — Marcus Aurelius
You deserve peace. But peace demands respect.
Do you respect peace enough to cultivate it?
This is where most people fail. They want peace, but they're not willing to fight for it.
They want a calm mind, but they won't wage war on the thoughts that disturb it.
They want freedom, but they won't kill their captors.
Peace is not passive.
It's not something that happens to you when circumstances align.
It's something you create through disciplined attention and ruthless boundaries.
The warrior knows this.
The warrior understands that true peace comes from establishing internal order.
From being vigilant about what you are thinking and believing.
From refusing to let the garden be overrun.
This is the shift from Trapped Achiever to Awakened Leader.
The Trapped Achiever believes peace comes from external achievement—the next promotion, the next milestone, the next validation.
The Awakened Leader knows peace comes from internal mastery—the ability to choose which thoughts to cultivate and which to eliminate.
The Two Masters: Logos vs. Ego
"Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny." — Lao Tzu
Here's the diagnostic that changes everything:
Our thoughts arise fundamentally on behalf of two possibilities: the Logos (the spirit of truth in Love), or the separate self (the ego).
Ask yourself next time you have a negative thought: is what I am thinking arising on behalf of the ego, or love and understanding?
If it's the ego, drop it.
Be ruthless about this.
The ego speaks in fear, scarcity, separation. It says:
- "You're not enough"
- "They're judging you"
- "You have to prove yourself"
- "If you fail, you're worthless"
- "You're alone in this"
The Logos speaks in truth, love, purpose. It says:
- "You are inherently valuable"
- "You are learning and growing"
- "You are connected to something larger"
- "Failure is feedback, not identity"
- "You are supported"
Most of your suffering comes from believing ego-generated thoughts are truth. From treating the voice of fear as if it's the voice of wisdom.
The warrior learns to distinguish between the two.
And when the ego speaks, the warrior doesn't engage.
Doesn't argue.
Doesn't try to convince it otherwise. The warrior starves it of attention.
This is the ruthlessness required. Not cruelty. Not self-punishment.
But the unwavering commitment to not let the ego run your garden.
How to Dominate Your Mind: The 7 Practices of Mental Mastery
"The wise have eyes in their heads..." - Ecclesiastes 2:14
The wise see what's happening in their minds.
They aren't swept along by every thought that arises.
Here's how to develop eyes in your head—to see the thoughts that shape your reality and choose which ones to keep.
Practice 1: Become the Gardener, Not the Garden
What this solves: The illusion that you ARE your thoughts
Most people are so identified with their thoughts that they can't distinguish between thinking and being.
When a thought says "I'm not good enough," they believe "I am not good enough."
The first practice is separation.
You are not the garden—you are the gardener.
You are not your thoughts—you are the awareness that observes thoughts.
How to practice:
- When a negative thought arises, label it: "I'm having the thought that I'm not good enough" instead of "I'm not good enough"
- Notice the space between you and the thought. You can observe it, which means you're not it.
- Practice this 10 times a day for a week. Every time you catch a negative thought, add "I'm having the thought that..." before it. Repeat 3 times
- Then add "I am noticing that I am having the thought that..." before it. Repeat 3 times
This creates the critical distance needed for mastery.
You can't dominate what you're identified with.
You can only dominate what you can see as separate from yourself.
Practice 2: Identify the Weeds (Ego-Generated Thoughts)
What this solves: Unconscious acceptance of destructive thought patterns
You can't pull weeds you can't see.
Most people have been thinking the same destructive thoughts for so long they've become invisible—background noise they don't question.
How to practice:
- Keep a "thought inventory" for 3 days. Every time you notice a negative or limiting thought, write it down.
- At the end of 3 days, look for patterns. What are your most common weeds?
- For each recurring thought, ask: "Is this arising from the ego (fear, scarcity, separation) or the Logos (truth, love, understanding)?"
- Circle the ego-generated thoughts. These are your primary weeds.
Common weeds for high-achievers:
- "I should be further along by now"
- "Everyone else has it figured out"
- "If I'm not productive, I'm worthless"
- "I can't trust myself"
- "I have to do it perfectly or not at all"
Once you can see them, you can start pulling them.
Practice 3: Pull the Weeds Ruthlessly
What this solves: The habit of entertaining destructive thoughts
Seeing the weeds isn't enough. You have to pull them. And you have to be ruthless about it.
This doesn't mean suppressing thoughts or pretending they don't exist.
It means refusing to water them. Refusing to give them attention and energy.
How to practice:
- When you identify an ego-generated thought, don't argue with it. Don't try to convince yourself it's wrong. Simply drop it.
- Imagine the thought as a weed in your hand. You don't debate with the weed about whether it should be there. You just pull it out and toss it aside.
- It can sometimes help to replace it with something that's more aligned. Not a fake affirmation, but a truth: "I am learning" instead of "I'm not good enough." "I am growing" instead of "I should be further along."
Catch them early. Drop them fast.
Practice 4: Build the Fence (Establish Boundaries)
What this solves: External triggers that invite destructive thoughts
A garden needs a fence to keep invaders out.
Your mind needs boundaries to protect against external triggers that activate your negative spirals.
How to practice:
- Identify your triggers. What situations, people, or environments consistently activate your negative thought patterns?
-
Establish boundaries around these triggers. This might mean:
- Limiting time with people who activate your imposter syndrome
- Avoiding comparison-inducing social media during vulnerable times
- Limiting content consumption - how much and what you watch.
- Creating buffer time before high-stakes situations so you're not reactive
- Saying no
This isn't avoidance. It's strategic protection while you're building strength.
A gardener doesn't remove the fence once the garden is established—but they do become less dependent on it as the garden grows stronger.
Practice 5: Till the Soil (Create Conditions for Growth)
What this solves: The absence of positive mental inputs
You can't just remove weeds. You have to plant desirable crops.
You have to create conditions where healthy thoughts can grow.
How to practice:
- Morning mental hygiene: Before you check your phone, spend 5 minutes setting your mental frame for the day. Ask: "What lens do I want to see through today?"
- Consume intentionally: What you read, watch, and listen to plants seeds in your mind. Choose inputs that align with the garden you want to grow.
- Practice gratitude: Not the superficial kind, but the deep recognition of what's true and good in your life. This tills the soil for abundance-based thinking.
The achiever's trap is believing you can think your way into a better mental state.
You can't. You have to create the conditions where better thoughts naturally arise.
Practice 6: Kill the Pests (Eliminate Judgments)
What this solves: The corrosive effect of judgment on self and others
Judgment is the pest that destroys the garden from within. It masquerades as discernment, as standards, as "just being honest."
But it's actually the ego's primary weapon.
Judgment of others is always judgment of self.
When you judge someone for being "too emotional," you're revealing your own fear of emotions.
When you judge someone for "not being ambitious enough," you're revealing your own anxiety about achievement.
How to practice:
- Notice when you're judging (yourself or others). The feeling is usually a tightness, a contraction, a sense of superiority or inferiority.
- Ask: "What am I afraid of that makes me need to judge this?"
- Replace judgment with curiosity: "I wonder why they made that choice" instead of "That was stupid." "I'm learning this skill" instead of "I'm terrible at this."
The next thing to tackle is judgment: check out my post on how to deal with (and eliminate) judgments.
Practice 7: Tend the Garden Daily (Make It Your Home)
What this solves: The illusion that mental mastery is a one-time achievement
Dominating your mind isn't a destination. It's a daily practice. The garden requires constant tending. Weeds will always try to grow. Pests will always try to invade.
But over time, the garden becomes stronger. The soil becomes richer. The fence becomes sturdier. And you become more skilled as a gardener.
How to practice:
- End each day with a 5-minute review: What weeds did I pull today? What seeds did I plant? What did I learn about my garden?
- Celebrate small wins. Every time you catch a negative thought and drop it, you're exercising the muscle of mastery.
- Be patient with yourself. You didn't build this garden overnight. You won't transform it overnight. But every day you tend it, it becomes more yours.
What you dominate becomes your home. And there's no greater freedom than being at home in your own mind.
You are dangerous. You have the capacity for great evil and great good.
The question is: will you dominate your mind, or will you let it dominate you?
The Trapped Achiever lets the mind run wild, then wonders why they feel imprisoned despite external success.
The Awakened Leader tends the garden daily, creating a mind that is peaceful, powerful, and truly their own.
The choice is yours. The war is yours. The garden is yours.
Make it your home.
-Alex
P.S.
Socrates said the unexamined life is not worth living. I'd add: the unexamined mind is not worth living in.
You can't dominate what you can't see. You can't pull weeds you haven't identified. You can't kill captors you don't know are there.
The Shadow Work Journal is your examination tool. It's designed to help you:
- See the invisible patterns that shape your reality
- Identify the ego-generated thoughts that imprison you
- Distinguish between the voice of fear and the voice of truth
- Build the daily practice of mental mastery
This is the work of the Awakened Leader. Not just achieving, but becoming. Not just doing, but being. Not just building an empire, but building a home in your own mind.
What you dominate becomes your home. Start making your mind yours.
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